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Mad Dog Hoek (transcript)
Episode: Mad Dog Hoek episode begins at a boxing ring. An announcer appears in the ring. Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight, we have the battle of the century! The undisputed tag-team champeens of the world! The duo of destruction, The Lout Brothers, Lump and Loaf! audience starts to boo at Lump and Loaf, who roar. They demonstrate their fighting skills for a moment, and both of them continue roaring. Ring Announcer: And in this corner, the pitiful pair, the couple of conjunctions, Mad Dog Hoek and Killer Kadoogan! and Stimpy are shown posing in wrestling attire, as their respective alter egos Mad Dog Hoek and Killer Kadoogan. Stimpy looks around. Stimpy: Psst. Hey, Ren... Those guys look big and mean. I think they wanna hurt us. Ren: Don't worry, Stimpy. This is all pretend. Nobody really gets hurt. The match's rigged. We can't lose. We are the good guys. Stimpy: Y-you mean it's just a game? And we're just pretending to fight? boxing bell rings. Stimpy: The bell! (starts running in place) Oh boy! Let me at 'em! stops Stimpy, flattening his face. Ren: Tsk tsk, Stimpy. Leave these ruffians to me. stomps on Stimpy's body; his face is eventually uncompressed. Stimpy: Uhh, have fun with the nice mean men. people in the audience are taking pictures, Ren jumps around the ring. He then leaps onto Lump's back, and holds his head. Ren: Watch me put my famous sleeper hold on him. bites Lump's head, causing Lump to instantly get sleepy. Lump then retrieves a small cup of coffee from within his pants. Lump takes a sip of the coffee, awakening him. Lump looks at Ren, grabs him, and puts him inbetween Lump's abs. Lump flexes, causing the abs to twist Ren around. Ren is shot out of the abs and into a pole. Stimpy: Tag me, tag me, tag me, please! weakly puts his finger on Stimpy's hand. Stimpy screams happily, then proceeds to use the ring's borders as a slingshot. Stimpy lands in front of Loaf. The two of them grab each other. Hi, Mr. Loaf. My name's Stimpy, and I've come to play with you. grabs Stimpy and compresses him down to a ball. Loaf pauses briefly, but then proceeds to put Stimpy in his mouth, plus chew him up. At this point, Stimpy has developed a bubblegum texture. Loaf pulls a piece of Stimpy from his mouth, which he promptly chews back up. He blows the bubblegum-Stimpy into a bubble that pops. Ren: Oh, the humanity of it all! Stimpy and Loaf fight some more off-screen, Stimpy slides over to Ren. Stimpy: Hey, Ren! Pretending to wrassle is the most fun in the whole world! (holds out hand) Come on, Ren! Let me tag you so you can play. Ren: (nervously, from behind the ring) No-no, no, that's okay, Stimpy. I already had lots of fun. Besides, (chuckles) I wouldn't think of depriving you of such a good time. Stimpy: Gee, Ren. You're such a pal. suddenly grabs him. Always thinking of me first. Ring Announcer: Well folks (a large crash is heard, sending the announcer up into the air), it looks like Lump has the Killer in the dreaded back-handed tongue lock! placed on top of Stimpy, Lump stretches Stimpy's tongue out. Loaf watches and yawns. Lump then tags Loaf. Ring Announcer: Now Lump has tagged Loaf, and it looks like Loaf is going to administer, a taste of the awful, the insidious... flying butt pliers! bends over and stomps on the mat. The bump in the mat, created by Loaf, travels to the right in addition to sending Stimpy into the air. Loaf then jumps into the air rear-first in order to get a hold of Stimpy within his butt cheeks. Stimpy is then blasted out with significant force. Stimpy: (while falling) Oh, joy! Stimpy lands, Loaf lands on top of him, proceeding to perform various wrestling moves. Stimpy: (screams) Oh dear. I've been so selfish and thoughtless. Here I am, doing all the playing, (screams) while my poor pal Ren sits all alone, with no one to play with. is seen sitting in a chair, reading a magazine. Stimpy slowly reaches over, then pokes Ren's eye, thus tagging him. A zoom-out reveals that Loaf still has a grip on Stimpy. Stimpy: Oh boy, Ren. Now it's your turn to play. grabs Ren, as his and Stimpy's positions are switched around. Stimpy: Now play nice! claps his hands together, only for Ren to jump out at the last second. Lump looks inside his grip, only to get disappointed at the sight of nothing but his hands. Ren sneaks out from under Lump, but to no avail, as it turns out Lump has his foot on Ren's tail. Ren starts to run away but is unable to go anywhere. With only one option left, Ren pulls Lump's shoes off, revealing a big pimple on his big toe. Ring Announcer: (off-screen) It looks like Mad Dog has found Lump's weak spot! bobs his eyebrows up and down, as his mouth opens wide. Ren bites Lump's pimple, causing a load of pus to fly out. Lump jumps up and screams in pain, while Ren still has his mouth on the pimple. Lump falls down, releasing Ren from his foot. Ren runs away, only to find Loaf in one corner. Ren runs to the other corner, but only to find Lump. Ring Announcer: Ohhh, boy! I wouldn't wanna be in Mad Dog's shoes now. (smiles) Mm-mmm. and Loaf beat up Ren. A referee appears in the ring. Ring Announcer: (off-screen) Now the referee steps in to make sure The Lout Brothers fight fair! has Ren's head locked in a monkey wrench, which the referee is eyeing. Loaf twists the wrench. Ren is then placed flat on the ground. Ring Announcer: (off-screen) And now the referee checks to see if this is an illegal chokehold. referee eventually gives an OK gesture. Well, the ref says everything's kosher. (laughs) car is driven over Ren's head. Ring Announcer: Well now, both Mad Dog and the Killer are in the ring taking a beating. And believe me, it isn't pretty. zoom-out reveals the announcer is now wearing a bikini, which draws a wolf whistle from off-screen. Lump and Loaf continue to beat up Ren and Stimpy, Loaf stops to look at his watch. Loaf: Psst. Hey, Lump, it's time to throw the fight. Lump: (stops fighting) Uhhh, okie-dokie, Loaf. Lout Brothers wink at Ren and Stimpy, and then fall down, making it appear as if Ren and Stimpy had won the match. Ring Announcer: The winners... Mad Dog Hoek, and Killer Kadoogan! referee holds them up. Well, ladies and gents, let's have a word with today's losers. Loaf, what do you think about losing the match? Loaf: We Louts are angry! We are sore! Mad Dog, and Killer, cheated! (points at Ren and Stimpy) Next time we see you guys, it'll be in the street! We'll break your bones! We'll grind you into putty! (sprays saliva on the announcer) We'll tear your faces off! (pokes Ren and Stimpy) You haven't heard the last of us. This is war! and Loaf are shown to be dressed as generals. We are generals, (World War I-era Nazi uniforms are placed on Ren and Stimpy) you are the enemy! Beware, Mad Dog. Beware, Killer. We know where you live, we know where your parents live! (pulls down a sign for a "Hollywood, Yugoslavia") We will have our revenge! (tons of saliva is sprayed onto the announcer) Ring Announcer: And there you have it. And now a word from the winners. Mad Dog, you've heard the nasty, brutal things Loaf said about you. How do you respond to this? Ren: Well, actually, I feel tha--oop! shoves Ren out of the way. Stimpy: No! I wanna holler the loud funny words. (holds up the microphone to his mouth) I like Darren! He is my friend! I like you, and him! He likes me...and I like him! Stimpy is beginning to yell louder, The Lout Brothers are utterly confused. He likes you...I hope! Ren: Hey, man. I... pushes Ren. Stimpy: (yelling extremely loudly) I like his autograph! It is a nice picture! He...is...nice! emphasizes "nice" to the point his tongue rips off. He starts to pant rapidly, while a large amount of drool is coming from his mouth. Ren: (off-screen) Ah--iris-out on Stimpy occurs. Category:Episode Transcripts